Note On Giving Up !

It is not that am in pain today,
Pain has just given away,
And now I am able to see,
All that lie within me !

As the earth appear ,
Fresh after a shower,
So is me and my soul,
Tear washed beautiful !

No more waits, no more sigh,
None for whom I can die !
An awakened me, after a dream,
My heart sees a tinge of gleam !

Life it is, and it shall go on,
Whether am there or gone !
Nothing stops nothing hide,
Neither the time, nor the tide !

Unaccepted !

Words dissolved in silence ultimate,

I rose above my love and my hate,

Drenched myself in solitude complete,

Then, I knew, I had nothing to take or give !

Heart hidden in heart's own core , 

Like sand hidden in sandy shore,

Like million stars that hide each day,

I too want to hide, in that seen way !

River that flows does it know,

To the water its flowing owe,

The snowy mountain that glitter bright,

Is unaware of its debt to the sunlight !

The Gist :

You had given all, I could not take,

Gift of love awaits acceptance,

Amidst million forsakes !

I too had given you, you could not take,

You trampled upon it, Now,

Love dies in love, only for love's sake !

Fragile Dream !

It was not so long ago,
That in you I felt myself echo,

Now what remains,

Are sounds, of an alien domain !

My pain, my joy, my me,

Never knew how and when they left me,

They all had built a nest,

In your soul, far away, from my own zest !

I owned nothing, all given,

Believed, trusted, you had all taken,

Faith of love kept me green,

But then, how much life has a dream ?

Your pain weighs more,

It slices you and your heart's core,

My pain is but gesture light,

Weightless, as the bird's wings on its flight !

Expired Note !

I lay still, 

Beneath the rubble of time,

My breath short, vision gone,

Pulse still, senses numb,

Does the rays shine,

On that early dawn ?

I lay still,

As you tread upon me,

My grave's grass still young,

You trample my heart,

Walk upon my soul,

Relieved am gone?

I lay still,

On my cemented gravestone,

As you sit, smoking,

Reading my epitaph,

Fresh flowers you place,

Are you remembering ?

I lay still,

Now that you forgot this path,

My requiem haunts, 

Creepers hug me,

Am truly asleep,

Bridging my own beyond's !

Stricken And Gone !!

I wanted to hold your hand,
And forwarded mine too,
But you shrunk yours away,
And I just got all my due !!

This is what I am used to,
This is what I expect each day,
With one strike you showed me,
My home, and where I truely lay !!

Love was intoxicating me fully
And I was losing myself in you
One hit, that has punched my soul,
And am in place so alien so new !!

Life took a circle complete,
And left me from where I began,
And Oh yes, Fear not dear one,
I shall not ever return again !!

In Cognizant !

A kind of feeling, deep within,

Longing it is not, I very well know,

As I sit alone, in the life's shore,

And witness them, come and go!

A silence blankets my entire self,

Nothing exists, for nothing I can see,

Paralyzed thoughts, numb desires,

Neither pain nor happiness grips me !

Your presence ablaze's my heart's core,

Your absence does not bring pain anymore,

For with better senses I did realize, that,

None gets more than, what is destined for !

Enlightenment that follows is :~

Sun rises, sets too, moon shines everyday but one,

Stars shines, clouds float, waves takes their turn,

My window wide open, both of room and heart,

Now in solitude, I am cognizant, we meet only to part !!

Only Question Remains !

The dried red rose, that,
Still serves as a bookmark,
Once you had bought for me,
Without any occasion special,
Only on a heart's call...
Was it love ?

That sketch you made for me,
On the reverse of an empty,
Cigarette packet, some motifs,
Of your puzzled mind, and said,
Keep it, for someday, I may not be,
Was it love ?

Those walk down the haphazard lanes,
On chilled winter evenings, foggy,
Misty, gloomy, yet, warm with feelings,
Reasons unknown, destination unreached,
Saw a brighter moon, stars had glitter more,
Was it love ?

Countless waits, numberless annoy,
Speechless days passed in agony,
Known facts, unbelievable truths,
Hidden, camouflaged from all eyes,
A fragile trust of belonging, till the end,
Was it love ?

Years passed by, time did not wait,
It was only me waiting relentlessly,
Still I wait... thousand years gone...
Answer duped me... like ever...
No answer, for, silence never speak,
Was it love ?

Only question remains !!!

On An Autumn Rendezvous !

The sky has washed its gown,
Its blue has been bleached,
Clouds have gone vagabond,
Announcing, autumn has reached !

My heart dances in delight alien,
My senses have stepped out of me,
A kind of bewilderment haunts,
And, the 'I' just got to run and flee !

Festive mood flows in the air,
A call from bosom deep beckon,
Am off on a rendezvous folks,
Am off as I hear some song forlorn !

My backpack carries nothing at all,
My soul bereft of all that once burdened,
Yes, this journey I shall make for myself,
Solely with myself, and some memoirs hardened !

An Ode To A Fallacy Called Love !

Ode to a fallacy called love !

A rusted lamp, half lit, bears some flame of my heart,
Yet with each blow of ruthless wind, it goes off,
Tears me apart !

Some half hearted wishes, some half truths, half trust,
Packed and wrapped in some faint smile, lifeless,
You upon me thrust !

Morning comes in with hope and joy, noon is dull and cold,
Evening is walking in with dead light, night a cheater bold,
As I got nothing to hold!

If this is love, this is the gift of longing, waiting and wanting,
This is what I get, for baring my heart and soul umpteenth,
Am better dead than living !

I Love You !


I love you in my silence,
Love you in my words too,
I love you with all I have,
And with all that makes me you !

I love you with my everything,
And with my nothing as well,
I love you, in all possible ways,
That's all I want to tell !

I love you with myself,
And when am out of me,
I love you with my unseen vision,
And with all that I can see !

I love you, as much as you know,
And much beyond you realize,
Am loving you today, tomorrow,
And shall, till death beckons, and I die!

Confusion In Clarity !

Like my shadow, 

Who leaves me behind,

In the darkest hour of mine!

You discard me, 

Oh my divine ?

My inherent me says,

In me You are,

My awakening sprout!

Yet why each day,

You I doubt ?

When in my joy fine,

I shed drops saline,

And in each beat You exist!

Then why in pain,

You I resist ?

In my slumber, when I behold,

A dream, that to me,

You solely belong !

Then why in consciousness

You are oblivion ?

In my doubts and my questions,
In my logic and law of reasons,
I cannot get hold of you,
But,
In my beliefs and my faiths,
In my heartfelt emotions and the waits,
I find you smiling within me!

তোমাতে আমি !

আমি মেঘ হয়ে ভাসবো ওই নীল আকাশে,

আমি বৃষ্টি হয়ে ভিজাব তোমায়ে,

আমি পাখি হয়ে ডানা মেলব , সকাল বিকেল,

আমি শুধু গান শোনাব তোমায়ে...

আমি অশ্রু হয়ে বইব তোমার দুনয়ান বেয়ে,

আমি যখন ঝড় হয়ে আসব তোমায়  জুড়ে,

আমি ভাসবো, তোমায়ে ভাসাবো, 

আমি নদী, আমি  জল, আমিই কুল...

আমি বিস্তীর্ণ বালুকারাশি তোমার হৃদয় মরুতে,

আমি মরীচিকা, আমি আলেয়া, আমিই সেই 'নেই',

আমি  আবার সেই 'আছি'  আমি  মিথ্যে, 

আমি  সত্য, আমি  অপূর্ণতা, আমিই তো পূর্ণ..

আমি সেই আখান্খা, আমি  তো তোমার আশা,

আমি নিস্তব্ধতা তোমার দুপুরের, আমি নিরবতা,

আমি তোমার শব্দ, আমি তোমার কথা,

আমি  তোমার উল্লাসের হাসি, আমিই চঞ্চলতা...

আমি তোমার একমাত্র জীত, আমি তোমার হার ও 

আমি তোমার সপ্ন রঙিন, আমিই  তো বাস্তবে লিপ্ত,

আমি তোমার জীবন ধাঁধা, আমি সরল জবাব,

আমি তোমার অস্থির মন, আমিই শান্তি নির্লিপ্ত...

আমি যখন আমি ছিলেমনা, অনেক আগের কথা,

আমি, যখন, তুমি ছিলেমনা, সেদিনকার ব্যথা,

আমি আজ আমি হয়েছি, তোমার মাঝে প্রকাশ,

আমি আজ আত্মা তোমার, আমিই তোমার লাশ... 

ক্ষণিকের  মুক্তি !


নির্লিপ্ত শান্তি .. কেউ নেই, কোথাও...

চারধারে ঢেউ আর ঢেউ...

আমার সমুদ্র আজ বড়ই  ধুসর ...

নীলের আবেশ  যেন খওয়া গেছে...

বালিতে আজ নেই সেই সোনালী রং!

আমি জানালায়ে একা বসে আছি...

ধু ধু  বইছে বিকেলের হওয়া ..

পাখীরা আপন  ডানা  মেলে,

উড়ে গেছে আপন নীড়ে !

আমার যে নীড়ও আজ  খওয়া গেছে !

তোমার ভালবাসাও আজ  আমায়ে ,

পারলেনা  রোজকার মতো ভোলাতে ...

আমার ফাঁকি আমার কাছেই ধরা দিলে,

দুচোখে আঁকা সেই জলছবি, ধুয়ে গেল..

আপন চোখের জলে.. আমার মুক্তি হয়েছে!

ভালবাসি

আধো ঘুম, আধো জাগা,

এরই মাঝে স্বপ্ন বাঁধা,

ভেসে যায় সামনে দিয়ে,

তবুও কেন সে অধরা ?

অধরাকে ধরতে গিয়ে ,

ফিরতে হলো সেই জগতে ,

দেখি সে যে  এখনো দাঁড়িয়ে 

পথের সেই বাঁকের ধারে ।

স্বপনে তারে পেয়েছি আমি ,

একদিন গভীর ঘুমের মাঝে,

জানি সে যাবে হারিয়ে আবার ,

প্রচন্ড সেই ঢেউ এর খাজে !

পাবার আশা নাই যে আমার ,

শুধু  জানি  ভীষণ  ভালবাসি,

আমার নয়, তবুও আমার ,

এই জানাতে আমি বাঁচি!

Back To Back !

One star studded night,

By the dreamy beach,

We sit, back to back,

You lean on me, I on you,

The waves are loud,

And the moon is new!

Time took a pause,

My eyes are filled,

So is yours, as we sit,

Back to back, on the beach!

Silence gets to say,

In its enchanting way,

Ripples generate,

In my blood, echoes in veins,

I fall back on you, again!

Sleep slips in my eyes,

Yet I am awake, for,

Thousand years now!

Tell me how, you sleep,

As I lay awake even in slumber!

That night on the beach,

As we sit, back to back,

With entangled breath,

In the cold sea breeze,

We sit, we wonder,

We dream, we say to each other,

I a wave, you a wave,

We mix, we are the sea,

You and me, that night,

Sit back to back, on the beach!

Not Yet Gone !

An emptiness embraces me,
Am void, hollow inside,
All feelings are frozen now,
My words have all died !


A walk within myself,
And am shock laden,
How can a heart survive,
Among all the barren ?


Too numb to feel the pain,
Too proof for happiness either,
A trance that grips my being,
Gives me all but a breather !


Each battle with my pain own,
Each day that I get up and fight,
Each struggle to segregate,
All the wrong's from the right !


Each moment of precious smile,
Each day a hug from my son,
Each day you saying 'Am there',
Assures am living and not yet gone!

Shikayat Zindegi Ki, Zindegi Se!

Apni jeevan to mein ji hi nahi...

Kabhie iski... kabhie uski...

Hamesha hi udhar ki...

Zindegi mein jeeti rahi...!

Tum se jo mili thi...

Kabhie ek boond zindegi ki...

Usse to mein sanjho nahi pai...

Bo nahi pai... meri viran...zindegi ki...

Ret main... !

Sabki batein mujh tak pohoch jati hain

Par meri khamoshi main lipti  awaaz...

Koi nahi sunta...yaha.. koi nahi sunta..

Zindegi mujhe tujhse badi shikayat hain..
Teri hi shikayat mein tujhse karu....
Jo hain so teri hi den hain...
Par jo nahi hain.. woh bhi to tune hi cheena hain!

World In Insomniac Eyes !

Last night it was well past four,
When all surrendered to sleep;
Wrapped themselves in peace,
Behind their four walls, shut doors.


I took a virtual flight, to see you,
Across the blue hills, azure sea;
I travelled, I carried myself, for me;
And did get a glimpse of divine you.


The stars were drunk and drowsy,
The moon wore cloud's warm blanket;
Sea slept wearing the wavy locket,
Roads were lonely, dark and grumpy.


I saw you in faded caliginous light,
Some shadow fell on your face;
Am hurrying, crossing a maze,
A madness at the dead end of night.


Beautiful night, rests in your slumber,
Innocent night, in my insomniac eyes;
Sees virtues all... denounces all vice,
Tried to pretend, to get lost in you forever.


Morning tiptoed in, treading upon my dreams,
Better senses dawned, with the rising sun;
I smiled on my folly own, now noon too is done,
In twelve hours, I passed a day it seems...!

Pain's Proposal !

Pain lingers, pain haunts, pain all over,
Heart aches, soul bleeds,
Pain today and forever !

Pain that you give me, pain that I adopt,
Clots in my bleeding veins,
Pain, this, gets me chopped !

Pain in crowded me, pain when am alone,
That which tells me am alive,
Pain which sealed all my cries and moan !

Pain in my dry eyes, pain within my being,
An everyday gift you adorn me with,
Pain that engulfs me, without you knowing !

Pain that begins with you, pain that ends in me,
Fills in the entire semblance,
Pain, my lover, proposes each day, bending on knee !

Beautiful Again !

Sky melts to float on earth,
Long wait of both ends...
I watch from my window...
How the horizon and sea blends !

Monsoon dances salsa
Wearing her trinklets new...
And the branches swing...
As if they enjoy the view !

Few parrots seek shelter,
Beneath my window pane...
Few divine empyrean drops...
And oh all is beautiful again !

Framed Presence !

One day, when you shall realize,
After seeing through my eyes,
The inherent beauty you have,
Which mirror fails to reflect...

One day, when I shall cease to be,
And then you try to grasp me,
By my not being, you get to know,
Here, you may find me though...

One day in monsoon morning,
Earth gets moist, in you its me raining,
Do not pull out that dusted parapluie ,
You kept in your car dickey..

One day, walk through the rain...
Let each drop write the pain,
Tell you before dipping down,
I had loved you, and to you unknown...

One day when my traces vanish,
In ether my untold story languish,
And you try and embrace my absence, 
That day,
May your solitude be graced by my framed presence..!

Nothing !

Nothing is all I have...

Nowhere to go ! 

No mind exists in me...

No form.... no existence,

Nothing I can relate to...

Nothing to show...!

No words I have...

Nothing to speak or tell..

No love, no joy.. suddenly...

Nothing becomes a 'me'...

Nothing places me right, but a,

Nothing from you...

Nothing.. absolutely...
Nothing from you !

Gift From Me !

You inflict intense pain on me,
Then the very next moment..
Wrap a present for all...
And say its a gift special ?

I gift you nothing today,
For I have nothing to give..
Nothing to show everybody,
My hidden treasure of love!

A year of 365 days,
Passed away in season four...
I gave nothing to celebrate..
But lit a lamp in my darkest core...

Am the poorest of all poor...
Possess no treasure or wealth...
Yet on his day special..
I wish you luck and health...

If someday you drop in...
In an ardent search of me...
Take this, simple weave..my gift...
For I have nothing else for thee !

(16th june 2012 )

Do you love me ?

Once I asked him, like everyday,
'Do you love me, as much as I do?'
He smiled, said, 'yes I do, yes I love,
Yes without knowing how much you love me...
I love you ' !!
I felt ashamed... I felt bad...
Sat for a while... feeling sad...
Suddenly rain poured in...
I could not rush in...
Rose up to run in..
Dashed against a pair of palm...
Sheltering me from the pour...
Smiled he caught my hands.. said...
'Can you find anyone who loves you more?'
Thank god my tears camouflaged in rain...
Pain cut across all the pain...
Caught him... I ran in...I lived...
Love cannot be extracted by questions...
I realized.... Love gives and lives in love alone !

Timer!

Time, a great player, 

It breaks my life,

Into puzzle pieces!

Then whispers,

Assort them now,

Keep them, well,

In their places!!

I, stand still,

Gazing at the horizon,

Believing, all that I want,

To see, is written there!

But, the sky a virgin paper,

Where I paste my pictures,

An imaginary collage,

A fake assortment,

Of living and giving!

Time, returns in a while,

Smiles, asks, 'solved'?

I say, no not yet, 

Am still repaying the,

Debts of life, with life,

Once am done, shall,

Pick up the pieces, 

And place them right!!

Time, smiles, says,

'I will wait till eternity,

But, the day, all shall,

Get solved and placed,

You shall be beyond,

All the realizations great!!'

Possibilities in the womb of impossibilities!

My sun has just peeped in, from the southern sky,
Come evening from north it shall whisper good bye,

Warmth of this sun shall pervade my heart and soul,
I am now galloping fast towards life's effulgent goal.

The rains have just dried me up, clouds giggle pass by,
Winds fail to move me an inch, nor are my breaths high!

Life's opium slowly fills up the delphic golden shiny goblet,
I, in complete delirium is all absorbing, all I truly accept!

Drowned in the sea of impossibilities perhaps now a million,
I have incarnated an atmosphere painted in colored helium!

Today it is, today it shall be, today its all a new and changed day,
Ripping the bossom of all possibilities, my impossibilities find way!

Love Story !

The moon slept, with the million stars,
Earth slept, so did venus and the mars,
All the planets took a slumber deep,
The clouds came in to sneak a peep,
Saw the sky was still awake, and told,
Sleep now dear sky, we shall unfold,
Spread like a warm quilt upon you all,
Relax, and slowly asleep, you got to fall!
Sky sighed, and smiled to tell the clouds,
How can I sleep you all got to tell me aloud,
My sun is awake in some corner of my heart,
I cannot close my eyes, sleep is well still far!
Clouds stood a witness to this story whole,
Today it told me, hence I retell it to you all!
Love lies is its power of thousand fold giving,
Ask the sky, and know, what it is to be loving!

 

Moments Of Solitude

In a moment of complete solitude,

When humble, without attitude,
When the heart is devoid of all ego,
It then lives in past, days long ago;
Tries to break all given rules of life,
Of all its haves, and all deprives,
Counting on its joyful blessings all,
Whispering, alluring, in my ears own,
Telling me slowly, that, life is beautiful!!
Trying to convince my inherent self,
Am better off, than, anyone else;
Many have less, than treasure mine,
Many have much more, but that's fine;
The stars, the moon and the sun one,
Are solely mine, I share with none;
The bird that sings, but only for me,
And what my eyes behold, are for me;
Rest, whatever exiguous do I possess,
In the crease of heart, when compress,
Of my God, of my divine, pure line soul,
That supreme being, now my only goal,
I give you all I have, you must accept,
My exit, lies in all your denial and reject!

Kobekaar shey kotha !

'পেয়েছি'... অমিত লাবন্যকে বললে...

সোনার ভাষায়ে মানিকের  ভাষায়ে ,

তার আঙ্গুলে বন্দী করতে চাইলে...

পারলে না... কোনো বন্ধনে  বাঁধা গেল না...

ছড়িয়ে পড়ল  চার পাশে... শেষের কবিতার ভগ্নাংশ ...!

কোনো এক মেঘলা বিকেলে জানালার বাইরে ...

আমি চোখ রাখলেম আকাশে... 

খন্ড খন্ড মেঘের মাঝে ফুটে উঠলে এক জলছবি ...

ভেসে উঠলে লাবন্যের করুন মূখানি...

ঝাপসা যেন দেখতে পেলুম... অমিত হাথ বাড়ালে...

লাবন্য হাথখানি তাঁর গুটিয়ে নিলে...

eucalyptus গাছের গা বেয়ে নাবলে প্রচন্ড বৃষ্টি....

আমি ঘরের বাইরে বেরিয়ে এলুম... 

দেখি মেঘ গলে গেছে... 

আর বৃষ্টির ধারায় অমিত লাবন্য ধরায়ে  নেমেছে...

লাল পেড়ে সাদা নকশা করা শাড়ী... বেশ দেখাচ্ছে লাবন্যকে...

অমিতের গায়ে সাদা পাঞ্জাবি... দুজনে কি যেন বলাবলি করছে...

আমি অনেক দূরে... ঠিক বুঝতে পারছি না...

পাইন গাছের সরু পাতা বেয়ে টপটপ জল পরছে...

পাহাড়ে বর্ষা নেমেছে... মেঘেরা বেড়াতে এসেছে...

আমি মনে মনে হাসলুম... ভাবলুম... থাক ওরা ওদের মতো...!

আমি  দোতলার  ঘর ছেড়ে গেলুম ছাতে...

ছাতের কোণে জল জমেছিল... 

আমি তাতে ভাসিয়ে দিলুম  আমারিই  বানানো  সোনার তরীখানি ...

তারপর উঁকি দিলেম... আবার সেই বাড়িটির দিকে...

ততক্ষণে বৃষ্টি ধরেছে... আকাশের গায়ে রঙিন আলো ...

আর সেই আলোতে যেন মিলিয়ে গেল... অমিত লাবন্য...

এরপর বহু বছর কেটে গেছে... আজ আমি বাড়ি গেলে এদের খুজি...

ভাবি যদি দেখতে পাই... যদি আমার কাছে এরা আবার ধরা দেয়...

কিন্তু... কই ? আরতো  পেলুম না... এদের দেখতে...

সেই বিস্তীর্ণ রশ্নিতে  মিলিয়ে যাওয়া অমিত লাবন্য কে ...

আমি উদ্ধার করতে পারলাম না ওদের .... ওরা হারিয়ে গেছে... ! 

Kobekaar shey kotha!

'peyechi '... Amit Labonyo ke Bolle...

shonar bhashaye, maniker bhashaye,

Taar angule bondi korte chaile...

paarle na... kono bondhone bandha gelo na...

choriye porlo chaarpashe... shesher kobitar bhognangsho!

kono ek meghla bikele janalar baire...

ami chokh rakhlem akashe ...

khondo khondo megher majhe fute uthlo ek jolchobi..

bheshe uthlo Labonyer korun mukhkhani...

jhapsha jeno dekhte pelum, Amit haath barale...

Labanyo haathkhani taar gutiye nile...

eucalyptus gaacher ga beye nablo prochondo brishti...

ami ghorer baire elum...

dekhi megh gole geche..

aar brishti.r dharaye Amit Labonyo dhoraye nemeche....

laal pere shada noksha kora sharee...  besh laagche labonyoke...

Amiter gaye shada panjabi...dujone ki jeno bolaboli korche...

ami onek dure....thik bujhte parchi na...

pine gaccher shoru pata beye toptop jol porche...

pahare borsha nemeche...meghera berate esheche...

ami mone mone hashlum... bhablum... thak ora oder moto...

ami dotolar ghor chere gelum chate...

chater kone jol jomeche chilo...

ami taate bhashiye dilum amari banano shonar torikhani...

taarpor unki dilem... abar shei baritir dike...

totokhone brishti dhoreche...

akasher gaye rongin aalo..

aar shei aalote jeno miliye gelo Amit Labanyo...

erpor bohu bochor  kete geche...aajo ami bari gele eder khuji...

bhabi jodi dekhte pai... jodi amar kaache era dhora deye..

kintu koi ? aarto pelum na .... eder dekhte...

shei bistirno roshnite miliye jaowa Amit Labonyo ke...

ami uddhar korte parlam na  oder... ora hariye geche... !

Love

Few glances, single touch,

Yet I love you so much,

Few photos and some mail,

Yet they reveal an untold tale...

Strange life stranger ways,

Yet in its pulse lays...

Some truth of my being own..

Love is there hidden in revelation..!